Behind these eyes
by pennylane87
Summary: One-shot. Hiding in a church Remy LeBeau waits... Even though he never meant to, he’d started a war. A war in which he had no allies, just enemies... confused and lost he must leave New Orleans. Who could help him? ROMY.


**Hi there!! I'm having a writer's block bothering me so 'the girl she used to be' is still waiting for any update. Yet somehow I have this idea for a songfic as I was watching VH1 classics. The song is **_**"Behind blue eyes"**_** by The Who, I hope you like it…**

**Plot: Hiding in a church Remy LeBeau waits... Even though he never meant to, he'd started a war. A war in which he had no allies, just enemies. He never meant to kill him yet he did… confused and lost he must leave New Orleans. Who could help him?**

**A/N: Ok, first of all I want to thank Wanda W for beta reading this for me!! She did a great job and I'm still wondering how to send her a carrot cake (one of my favorites). thanks Wanda!! Now, this is obviously a Romy so if you're not a fan… ok I hope you're one. Anyway, I KNOW Remy's eyes are not blue so I just changed 'blue' to 'this'. **

_**Bold italics**_ **'Behind Blue Eyes' lyric.  
Just** _Italics_ **thoughts/French words/Professor's mind speaking.**  
"_Italics"_ **memories.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of them nor the song. X-men are Marvel's and 'Behind blue eyes' is Pete Townshend's**

**XX**

It was a cold winter day and the church was completely empty, anything but strange though, it wasn't one of the most crowded churches simply because mutants were allowed. It's a funny thing being rejected in the house of God, when it's suppose to be the opposite, at least that was the way his aunt taught him. If only she could see him now, he was sure even his beloved aunt would condemn him for what he had done.

His hands were all covered in blood, his black tuxedo ripped off hidden under his distinctive brown trench coat, his red on black eyes were fixated on the altarpiece at the end of the church, but his mind, his mind was miles away… to be specific on one girl. How, in a hell of situation like this, he could be thinking about her, he wasn't sure, yet he was; maybe because she was the only good thing that ever happened to him…

The minutes went by slowly, arduously slow, but the person he was waiting for didn't appear. _"Allez, allez_ Henri… where are ya?" Maybe something went wrong, that's all he needed! What if his father found out what he's planned and stopped his brother from helping him. That possibility doesn't surprise him, after all Jean-Luc cared more about himself than anything else and in order to keep that fictitious peace between the Guilds and his name he was capable of throwing his own son to the wolves.

Remy LeBeau gazed at the crucified Christ in one of the lateral chapels. Sighing he tried to remember one of the prayers his aunt taught him when he was a little kid, but nothing came. The truth was that he'd never been a practicing Catholic, yet in a moment like this he felt the need. Fixating his red on black eyes on the plychromed wooden figure above, the Prince of Thieves sighed and tried to speak his mind…

_**No one knows what it's like to be de bad man  
To be the sad man, behind dis eyes…**_

Gambit was finding it hard to breathe, the pain in his left shoulder –which was bleeding for the only shot Julien's men hit on- was killing him, not to mention the bruises around his entire body; in fact he was lucky to be alive. His persecutors must be somewhere near by now and there was no sign of Henri yet. His eyes went from his bloodstained hands to the sculpture once again.

_**No ones knows what it's like  
To be hated, to be fated, to telling only lies**_

He never meant to kill Julien, he was supposed to be his brother-in-law, even against his own will. Not that he didn't care about Bella he did, just not in that way. That wedding arrangement was made years ago and it obviously wasn't the solution to the guilds issues. Anyhow his father didn't care about his feelings and as the heir he was, he ought to marry the girl. Remy tried to convince his father, his brother, his cousin, but no one listened.

_And look where dat little arrangement has led us now…_

After he refused to marry Bella, the entire Assasins' Guild and especially her brother Julien, took his decision as an insult. They asked his father to convince him to fulfill his duty or face reprisals; so worried about his son but mostly about his own guild Jean-Luc forced him.

Even so that wasn't enough; in Julien's eyes the affront has been made and he decided to challenge his sister's fiancée moments before the wedding. Remy wasn't prepared for an attack yet he easily beat Julien down. It was when Julien struck him back that one gunshot was heard in the middle of the struggle. What happened next was a fuzzy memory: Julien was lying on the floor unconscious while Remy was standing right next to him covered in blood, his own mixed with Julien's; Bella's full of hate eyes pierced him as her cry filled the entire church. Unsure of what to do Remy LeBeau ran…

Even though he never meant to, a war had started and it was his doing. A war in which he hadn't any allies, just enemies. Both Jean-Luc and the now deceased Julien blamed that mutant, the southerner girl from the X-men with green emerald eyes who came with him from New York for his changes. To begin with, his father never agreed with his stay in Bayville, it was Henri who convinced him. Somehow he thought that working for some magnetism mutant for a while couldn't be that risky, more a kind of distraction for his brother. Neither Jean-Luc or Henri could imagine that Remy was about to fall in love while being there

…

"_Et alors père… Je l'aime"_

"_S'il te plaît, Remy arrête"_

"_Non père. I saw her walk away and stayed wit ya once, mais pas plus"_

"_Hahaha sus, Remy"_

"_Je ne plaisante pas Jean-Luc"_

"_Ça suffit! Remy, j'en ai assez pour aujour d'hui"_

"_Merde, mais père…" _

"_Va-t'en!"_

…

Speaking up in God's presence, Remy LeBeau accepted his many mistakes but also asked for a second chance. Not just a second chance, but a chance to redeem himself beside her, beside Rogue. God knew he wasn't the model of perfection; he never sought to be any kind of role model yet he was sure that he deserved a chance to prove he could be trusted and worthy of her.

_**But my dreams, they aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be**_

She was definitely the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen, in a very unique way, green emerald eyes, auburn hair with white locks and that always covered perfect body; a shy and fragile girl hiding behind a wall of tough and rude manners. Remy had watched her for weeks before he kidnapped her, studying every single movement, every gesture, every word she said and all the ones she didn't. He's heard her sobbing at night and noticed the sad look on her face every time Scott kissed Jean; the disappointment in her glare when some of her teammates avoided her and the sad smile she wore every night when she stood by her mirror and looked at the reflection of her bare skin.

_**I have hours, only lonely  
My love is vengeance that's never free**_

A lot of things had happened before and after meeting Rogue and in a way she might be the reason he refused to marry Bella but there was more. Something in that girl was just different, there was a sort of feeling too hard to ignore and there was no way his father would stop him again, he's paid a high price for not doing it before. A man's death was lying on his shoulders, his blood drying in his hands as he cried for help in an empty church. All due to a wedding he never wanted, guild issues he never truly understood; all because of his wish to please a father that always saw him as an advantageous weapon.

_"You an' I, we could write a book about it… been down de same roads" _

He remember the last time he saw her, right here in New Orleans, and wished he would have had the courage to left his father then. That time he'd had the opportunity to know her a little better, to know the real girl under the rough façade. Rogue, the girl who understood what it was like to be used, to be mistrustful, to be lonely. Somehow she seemed to understand him and, the similarities were there and the bond he felt was instantaneous, he couldn't ask for anything more… Enduring the pain, Remy LeBeau sighed, Jean-Luc stopped him once, but not anymore.

_**No one knows what it's like  
To feel these feelings like I do and I blame you!**_

The slight sound of footsteps made him turn his gaze around, only to meet his brother's eyes. Henri LeBeau was also injured; he'd bruises of his own result of the fight between Thieves and Assassins. Just by seeing the look in his eyes, Remy could tell there was no good news, not that he was expecting there to be, it was just kind of painful to see his older brother like that. He'd always treated and loved Remy like he was his blood and despite the way things turn out Henri was –as always- on Remy's side.

"_Allors?" _Remy asked as his brother sat on the wooden bench next to him

"_Je suis dèsolè_ Remy…" not able to bear Gambit's glare Henri faced the floor "I talk t' _père mais…"_

"_Je comprends" _Remy said

"He doesn't know 'm here… everybody is frantically looking for ya, supposedly 'm doing de same"

Both LeBeaus remained in silence a few minutes, until Remy spoke again; his trembling voice shocked Henri. Despite being the younger Remy had always been the tough one, rarely showing his true feelings, so noticing his nerviness and his fear was harder than he thought.

"_Mon Dieu_ I never wanted dis Henri…t'ings just went out of control"

"_Je sais_ Remy"

"…"

"Ya have to go now. Here" he handed him a sort of military bag "I brought ya a pair of clean shirts, clean jeans, a deck of cards, your staff and some money. Your bike is parked in de alley"

"I can't come back _hein_?" Remy asked knowing the answer

"_Non_ if ya want to live"

"Ya know it ain't easy"

"Nobody say it would be Remy…" Henri gave Remy a pat on the back and with a sigh he added "T'ink of it as _une neuve vie frère_… _avec la fille_ ya do love"

"Rogue" Remy smiled slightly depicting her in his mind.

"_Oui, elle_" Henri smiled back noticing the smile on his brother's face

"_Elle est magnifique_, Henri… _très jolie_"

Grabbing the bag Henri had just given him, Remy sighed. He knew there was no time to lose; he turned to face his brother one last time.

"_Merci Henri"_

"Take care Remy"

Both men left the church. Remy walked towards an almost hidden back door at the east end while Henri exited through the main entrance. Neither of them turned back, not even once.

_**No one bites back as hard on their anger  
None of my pain and woe can show through**_

Once on his bike, Remy glanced at the rear view mirror giving one last look to the city he grew up in. He wasn't just leaving New Orleans behind, he was saying goodbye to the only people he had ever considered a family, the way of life he learned, anything he knew. He was on his own now, not that he hasn't been before, but this time was different he do really felt alone… lonelier than ever.

_**But my dreams, they aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be**_

**XX**

After hours of driving Remy LeBeau stopped at a gas station to fill up his bike; standing there he thought one more time if this was the right thing to do. Of course he wanted to see her but with all the recent events his mind was really fucked up and the uncertainty of her reaction was killing him, what if it was too late?

The hell with it, he shook his head and jumped on his bike making the engine roar, after all he'd driven all the way from New Orleans hadn't he; just a couple more hours and he will be there. The memory of her beautiful emerald green eyes made him smile and he sped up, asking himself once again why he stayed with his father months ago, perhaps if he hadn't the things he was leaving behind, the memories that where haunting him now would never have happened… but again just maybe…

_**I have hours only lonely  
My love is vengeance, that's never free**_

A few hours later Gambit arrived at the Institute's surroundings; he drove all the way to the main gate; jumping off his bike he read the house plaque Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. So now what? He couldn't just ring the bell and enter the house, he used to be these people's enemy and the last time he saw them, well they didn't depart on the best terms. Even so Rogue was part of them and he wanted to see her…

Sneaking in as the Prince of Thieves he was, Remy LeBeau approached the main entrance and he stood right under her balcony. Night was starting to fall and different sizes of shades were covering the gardens, Gambit always felt comfortable in dark, as a thief he was a nocturnal kind of person yet he didn't have an acute smell sense, as the person standing behind him did. The distinctive sound of adamantium claws filled his ears and he turned to meet Wolverine's fierce eyes.

"Gambit" he muttered

"Look _mon ami_ Remy doesn't want to fight"

"Who said that ya will Gumbo? I'm not gonna give you the chance"

"_Non_, Remy's not looking for troubles"

"Then ya picked the wrong house bub" Logan sniffed and noticed the blood scent. Grabbing Gambit by his trench coat collar he pinned him against the wall "What the hell do you want Cajun? You've blood's scent all over you, and it's not only yours"

"I said I didn't want to fight _mais_ if ya don't give _moi_ another option" Remy took a card from his pocket and started to charge it.

Remy felt a mixture of anger and fear, as scenes from his fight against Julien invaded his mind. He felt as guilty as hell but also vulnerable as he never had.

_**When my fist clenches, crack it open  
Before I use it and lose my cool**_

One thing was sure, he didn't want to screw it up again so he discharged the card and remained still waiting for a beating that never came. Instead what came was the sound of a voice inside his head, and as he noticed also inside Logan's, it was the voice of Professor Charles Xavier.

_Logan please, calm down, release Mr. LeBeau and bring him to my office immediately. I'm sure he has a reason to be here just as something to said, am I wrong Mr. LeBeau?_

Gambit didn't answer, the whole idea of that man peeking inside his mind freaked him out. So he just stood up after Logan dropped him violently and followed him into the mansion. As he walked through corridors and rooms he noticed all the gazes on him and recognized some of the students; Summers, Jean Gray, Lance's ex Kitty Pryde, that Nightcrawler fool, and the one he was expecting the most, Rogue.

She was standing in the middle of the stairs, leaned on the wooden handrail. She looked at him and their eyes met; his red on black fixated on her emerald green ones. Gambit stood still for a moment, she gave him a shy smile and he smiled in response making her blush. On the surface he was cool as always but deep inside his heart was beating faster, who would have thought that a girl would ever be capable of making Remy LeBeau nervous.

_**When I smile, tell me some bad news  
Before I laugh and act like a fool**_

After talking with the Professor, Remy felt a little bit better with himself, he explained his situation –not mentioning every detail– and he was welcomed to stay in the Institute as long as he wished. Much to Logan's dismay, Xavier offered him the opportunity to join them and become an X-men just as his former teammates Piotr Rasputin and John Allerdyce, whom by now were an important part of the major team. Gambit thanked Xavier for the hospitality and asked for some time to consider the offer to which Xavier agreed. After this Storm escorted Remy to his room.

"Breakfast will be served tomorrow at 9:00 Remy. I hope you join us"

"_Merci madame_, Remy'll be dere"

Remy was dying to see Rogue again but he decided to wait, there was a curfew in the Institute and as the newest member he didn't want to cause troubles, at least not now. Leaving his thoughts about Rogue aside he remembered John and Piotr, to know they had joined the X-men was indeed good news, he liked those guys, especially Pyro.

Lost in his thoughts and almost falling asleep he didn't hear the slight knocks at his door at first yet when he realized it he didn't care that much, so without rising from his bed he told whomever it was to come in. What he saw next was something he never expected; wearing a pair of black sweatpants and a dark green hoodie Rogue was the one standing by the door.

"Rogue"

"Hi… may Ah?" Rogue stood still wondering if it had been a good idea, anyhow it was a little late to reconsider.

"_Bien sûr chère_, please" Gambit jump off the bed and passed a hand trough his messy hair. Rogue noticed he wasn't wearing his trench coat any more just a pair of ripped jeans and a tight white t-shirt which showed his perfect modeled abs.

_Focus girl he's watching yah _taking a deep breath, Rogue remained standing as Gambit made himself comfortable in the bed again "So, what are yah doing here?"

"I could ask ya de same question Rogue" Gambit asked a broad grin filling his face

"Ah mean here in the Institute"

Rogue was determined to stay calm no matter what; she'd spent an entire day alongside Remy LeBeau once, so she was well aware of his manners and the way they could reach her. But instead of the cocky answer and the distinctive flirting she was expecting, he just remained silent, absent minded, no sparkling in his eyes.

"Well _chère_ let's say Remy's looking for a change"

"A change?"

"…"

"What exactly do yah want Remy LeBeau?"

"A new life… a second chance…" That concerned look again, something was wrong with him, some deep shit must happened since Gambit was clearly upset and he wasn't the 'showing his feelings' type of guy.

"Are yah all right?"

"Look _petite_ I've done terrible t'ings and…"

"Nobody is a saint round here hun, every one of us has their own issues" Rogue took a seat on the bed right next to Gambit, trying to give him some sort of comfort and just wanting him to feel better she put her gloved hand on his leg

"Ya don't understand Rogue, what I've done…" Remy's eyes studied Rogue's hand before he took it between his.

"As ah said we all have a past… maybe some of us more than the others but in the end…" Rogue raised her eyes searching his "If yah're here because yah indeed want a second chance yah may be in the right place LeBeau. The Professor teaches us to use our powers for good, to control them, but the life at the Institute is more than that; it is an opportunity to meet new people, to fight our inner fears, to feel good with who we are. It is in many ways a second chance indeed; I should know it better than the others… but" she released her hand from Remy's "If yah're looking for redemption start with yahrself"

"I don't know if I can forget what I've done Rogue" Gambit stood up and turning his back on Rogue walked towards the open window, truth was he didn't want her to see right into his eyes, fearing she could find out everything he had done and leave him.

"And yah don't have to… It is part of what yah are for better or worse. Ah did terrible things myself before ah came here sugah" Rogue approached Gambit from behind and grabbed his hand tightly, trying to let him know she was there no matter what."The thing is yah don't let your past control yah. Yah learn to control your past in order to be a better person."

Gambit turned back and grabbed Rogue with both hands, pushing her towards the wall and holding her firmly. Before she even noticed it, he was nearest than anyone in all his senses would dare to. His lips were almost brushing her cheeks, his breath was enrapturing her.

"Would ya help _moi, chère_? He whispered "Would you help _moi_ be a better person. As I can almost feel like one whenever ya're next to _moi_"

Rogue was shivering and just because of her naivety, she didn't notice Remy also was.

_**And If I swallow anything evil  
Put your finger down my throat**_

Pulling herself together Rogue managed to speak "Yah can count with every one of us… just like Piotr and John did when they got here" but Remy didn't move.

"_Non_, I'm not talking 'bout the rest, nor even Colossus and Pyro… I'm asking ya Rogue. Ya care 'bout _moi _don't ya?"

"…"

"Why are ya here den?" He eased back a little giving Rogue the perfect chance to release from his grip.

"Ah just wanted to check yah out and…" Rogue walked and sat on the bed, it had been way too much closeness for her.

"_Non_ I walked away from dis once and I let ya do de same… _mais non plus"_ He knelt in front of her not invading her comfort zone again but close enough to brush her legs with his arms "Listen to _moi_ Rogue, de second chance dat I'm looking for, is not only because of dis" he pointed his bruises "Or _mon_ Acolyte past and the will to became an X-men, the Guild and the pursuit of some kind of redemption, is also 'bout ya… 'bout us _chère_"

"Remy… Ah"

"Ya don't have to answer _moi_ now _chère_, yet I'm sure ya know what I mean and I", he raised his head and cupping her face in his hands forced her to keep her eyes on his "I hope ya don't deny ya'r feelings again."

"Deny mah… mah feelings how do yah?" she was becoming upset, so he released her head but grabbed her legs so she was unable to stand up.

"Empathy, _mon_ personal charm, call it as ya prefer _chère_. But ya know what I'm talking about, I know ya feel de same way as I do Rogue"

Then he stood up and walked towards the window sitting over the balcony rails; giving her the chance to leave or stay at his room. She did the second thing and joined him in the balcony standing right next to him.

"Ah… ah…" Shit there was that entire mumble thing again. Good Lord this guy was unbelievably self-confident, yet she liked the way he made her feel. "Ah do"

"Den allow _moi, chère_… let _moi_ be with ya"

"Ah don't want to hurt yah Remy, not yah"

"Ya won't"

"How can yah be that sure?"

"I just am"

_**And If I shiver, please give me a blanket  
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat**_

Remy LeBeau looked at the girl he hasn't been able to forget in all those past months and took her into his arms; he held her tightly as though if he loosened the grip she might change her mind and run away from him. Being a couple of inches taller than her he smell her sweet aroma, passing a hand over her auburn hair he curled one of her white locks in his finger as his other hand rested on her back. As for Rogue she was wrapping both arms around his waist.

"Dis is how I've wanted it to be since I first looked at ya Roguey. Beyond de flirting and teasing, past all de games an all de uncertainty…" holding her chin with the hand that was previously toying with her hair he stared on her beautiful emerald eyes and added "I know we can be hurt girl physically as well as emotionally. I know one kiss from ya, one touch flesh to flesh might give _moi_ some serious hurting, but I'm willing to take de tisk for ya… ya willing to do de same for _moi_?"

"Ah am Remy, Ah am"

And for the first time in their entire lives Rogue and Remy LeBeau felt hope…

_**No one knows what it's like to be the bad man  
To be the sad man behind this eyes**_

**THE END**

**Quotes:**

**_"This is how I've wanted it t'be since I first looked at you, Roguie. Beyond the flirtin' an' teasin', past all the games an' all the uncertainty - I know we can be hurt, girl. Physically as well as emotionally. I know one kiss from you - one touch, flesh to flesh - might give me some serious hurtin' - but I'm willin' t'take the risk for you...you willin' t'do the same for me?"_  
From: X-men 24**

**"Behind blue eyes" (The Who) written by Pete Townshend**

**French Traslation:_  
Et alors père… Je l'aime - So what father… I love her  
__S'il te plaît, Remy arrête - please Remy stop it  
__Non père – No father__  
mais pas plus – but no more  
hahaha sus, Remy – hahaha come on Remy__  
Je ne plaisante pas Jean-Luc – I'm not kidding Jean-Luc__  
Ça suffit Remy! J'en ai assez pour aujour d'hui – Enough Remy! I've had enough for today__  
Merde, mais père… - Shit, but father__  
Va-t'en! – Go away!__  
Mon Dieu – My God__  
Je sais – I know__  
Une neuve vie frère - a new life brother__  
Avec la fille - with the girl__  
Elle est magnifique, - she's gorgeous_**_**  
Très jolie – so pretty  
Merci – thanks** _

**So what do you think?? Let me know, please drop me a review!!  
**

**Take care  
pennylane**


End file.
